Sometimes You Have To Love People From A Distance
Yes, even as a Christian
Want to know something I’ve always thought of as odd? The fact that media tells us that Christians should be tolerant. We should tolerate this and tolerate that because that’s what love is. No, real love is seeing bad behavior and correcting it because you don’t want that person to die and be separated from God forever. That’s real love. Well, a part of it at least. Another part of it, knowing when to distance yourself.
I don’t know anyone’s personal situation here on Substack, so I can only speak from experience. There are people that I love who hurt me as if it were their job. They can be rude and belligerent and plain disrespectful. There are also people who are takers. They take my time, my energy, my resources. They want me to give and give, even when I have nothing left to give. They don’t want to put any effort out themselves. Perhaps because they feel the world owes them something. Perhaps they think I owe them something. Either way, it’s exhausting. And it can cause discontentment, it messes with your peace. Let me tell you, God doesn’t want anything negatively influencing our spirit like that.
How do I know? 1 Corinthians 14:33 tells us that God is the author of peace, Matthew 5:9 states that peacemakers are blessed and shall be called the children of God. In John 16:33 Jesus let’s His disciples know that life has tribulations but He wants us to have peace and be of good cheer. Why would He say that if He didn’t mean it? He wouldn’t. God doesn’t want our hearts troubled and yet we live in a world with people who are nerve-wracking, who seem to exist just to trouble us. Well, maybe you don’t…maybe it is just me!
Yes, scripture tells us to love everyone, but not to put up with ungodly behavior, not to harm yourself just to make them happy. I read Proverbs daily and Proverbs 22:26-27 lets us know that we shouldn’t give so much for others that we don’t have. Sure it was talking specifically about co-signing and taking on the debt of others, but I feel like this can apply to emotional wellbeing as well. There’s that saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup and it is true. Why bend over backwards for someone who you know won’t appreciate it? Why always come to their help, their rescue? When you don’t allow them to make their own mistakes, they never learn, they never frow up.
I gave the example of two types of people in my own life I had to learn to love from a distance, but I also want to share with you what that looks like. Feel free to let me know what it looks like to you!
Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all.
~ 2 Thessalonians 3:16
Loving From A Distance To Me:
Not answering every call. Time is the one thing we can never get back. Why waste yours?
Not giving them control over your emotions. Sometimes, instead of engaging, it is best to ignore. Ignore the tantrums, the please for help, the false apologies.
Set your boundaries and stick to them. Having boundaries isn’t a bad thing. Being a Christian doesn’t mean being a doormat, after all.
Don’t just disappear, but let that person know that they need to work on themselves. Of course do this in a kind and loving way.
Praying for that person. Prayer does wonders. Your pray can keep that person safe and one day God may change their heart to be a better person, to be kinder, to be more considerate. Maybe you can even pray scripture over them if you don’t have the words to speak.
Not associating with that person unless absolutely necessary. No matter what there are times that these sorts of people will be in your life. And if they are a family member, you’ll see them eventually, right? That’s okay. You don’t have to stay in the car until they leave the kid’s birthday party, but don’t talk about anything other than the matter at hand if you do engage.
And if you know that you’re one of the ones who gives into the sob story, maybe you should block that person. Block their phone number, their email, their social media. Perhaps you can have an accountability partner as well to make sure you don’t give in and check on them just to see how they’re doing.
It can get frustrating, especially when we love that person. We want to see them do better, to be better, to live up to the potential we know they have. But why are you allowing yourself to suffer.
I want to end by encouraging you that while the Bible says we should try to live peaceably with all men (Romans 12:18), that doesn’t mean we have to suffer through life, pretending we’re okay. It’s perfectly fine for you to keep your distance because you shouldn’t allow anyone or anything to impact the peace God has given you.
You aren’t alone. Protect your peace.
But do you agree with me that even as Christians, there are people we have to love from a distance?